I went live on Instagram to let you in on my long distance story and I wanted to share a little more below! Feel free to follow me for all the latest updates. Instagram is where it's at! 

 

 

 

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Una publicación compartida de Tamara Roy-Stang (@tamararoystang)

The Context and First Three Years

I am from a small town in Eastern Canada, and met my current fiancé in High school. A picture of us that I love was taken on a trip to New York a few months before we started dating. We were both 17 in August of 2012 and I was leaving the province he was starting college: Rimouski to Ottawa.

We were an 8-hour drive apart. Actually, more like 12 on our limited budget and we saw each other every 1.5/2 month. When your couple is 1.5 - 2 months old let me tell you that your confidence is shook. We weren’t oblivious to the fact that LDRs are hard. No one is. If anything, people try to discourage you to protect you in a sense.

We get used to it, spend 3 summers living at each others’ parents houses and getting summer jobs in the other’s town. Although we didn't have much intimacy in our parents' houses, the distance breaks did alleviate the weight and we are so grateful for our parents’ support! 

A new Chapter in Neighbouring Cities

At the 3 year mark, he was done his pre-university degree and I did an extra year of high school and am now 2 years into university (different provinces and schooling systems, it doesn’t matter just go with the flow.) 

I really hoped that he would move to my city which had not one, not 2, but 3 universities offering a mechanical engineering undergraduate program. His heart was set on a different university in Montreal, a neighboring city… Needless to say, our whole 3-year plan got extended. DOUBLED in fact. 

But hey, he’d only be 2 hours away and although we were both disappointed, we simply couldn’t hold each other back. I think many of you will relate to this. I loved my program he loved his, life could have been worse.

Neighbouring Continents Depending on the Season

Now, I am in no position to complain, because we knew full well that 2 weeks before Raph moved to Montreal I would go ahead and peace out to Asia for 4 months on a student exchange to Hong Kong. My program was international business, and I did not hold back. 

Then I did the same thing the next year and left for 4 months to Costa Rica for a volunteer internship, to live in the jungle with multiple incredible host families and to learn Spanish in an immersion context. - That was one of the toughest times in my life and most beautiful all at once:

• Raph and I really felt like we were growing apart and almost broke up
• The person who planted the seed for me being in Costa Rica in the first place many many years ago passed away
• My parents got  divorced
• My laptop with all my work got stolen

Yet, as you can imagine, Costa Rica was everything it is hyped up to be and more. It was not all fun and games, although I am very very fortunate to have had the opportunity to live there with the most beautiful local souls. To this day, Costa Rica is still my second home on this planet.

Travelling together

During my last semester of university, I did it again. But this time, to Madrid, Spain AND Raph came along with me! Kind of - He was outside of Paris, France, and at that time we considered being on the same continent and time zone as a win! We had the time of our lives meeting up in foreign countries wherever our budgets could carry us.

I want to acknowledge our privilege here. We were on a student budget and slept in the cheapest possible options, 5USD hammocks on a patio were my jam in Latin America, but we were supported financially by our parents during our undergraduate degrees and are fortunate to live in a Country where education is accessible. Plus, we were both nerdy enough to get some scholarships and we worked full time at our paid internships every other semester, which were other opportunities that were offered to us and that we took to sustain ourselves.  

Closing the Distance

As we came back from Europe, we were finally moving in together. 6 crazy, formative years in our late teens-early twenties coming to an end. We lived in student housing with our own 1 bedroom apartment and it really felt like we made it to the end of a long marathon. We were and ARE still so proud of everything we accomplished. We woke up every morning not believing our damn eyes. You can imagine us: "IS THIS YOU? IN THE FLESH??"

We’ve had distance spells of a couple months here and there, when he had an opportunity to teach in his college program, when the pandemic hit, when we had no contact at all for days during my meditation retreats, and right now while he’s Europe for his PhD for 2 months. I’ve travelled tons for work as well before the pandemic.

Old Couple Vibes

We owe so much to the distance and we still have big dreams. We bought our dream house out in the woods outside our home town, hope to own a sailboat one day, and we’ve come to accept that odds are, we are not always going to be in the same place at the same time if we want to live our best lives. 

In 2023, we have been living together for 4 years now, have been engaged for two and have been together over 10 years. We’ve been through the good, the bad, and the ugly. And our communication, self-awareness, common vision keeps getting better and better. I’ve done my best to summarize everything into a few paragraphs, but I could go on all day. We have a library of years and years of different situations, days, moments, in which our mindset evolved and adapted. Every single one of those moments has a teaching in it.

Sharing the Wisdom So You Don't Have to Learn Everything the Hard Way

We need to stop pretending like we can just demonize and completely avoid LDRs - they're not going anywhere with this hyper-connected globalized world. LDR is a challenge among many others in any long term relationship. For us, it’s become a way of life. And I’m here to share that with you. 

You don't need to go through everything alone and learning the hard way isn't always the way to learn the most either. I don't see enough empowering perspectives on long distance relationships on the Internet, so I decided to share mine. Long distance can work. It did for me, and it can for you. No matter what happens though, you'll know you made the most of it if you have me in your back pocket for support. You'll see the benefits in your relationship, which takes up so much of our mental, emotional, and physical energy, as well as in every other area of your life. If you're curious, book a free discovery call to find out about coaching options.